Best Laid Plans.

Best Laid Plans. Last month a close friend asked where I was heading next on my nomad adventure.  I answered that I wasn’t sure, but that it would all work out as it is supposed to. She pointed out that my response alone represented so much growth during this chapter. 

My first 8 months (the original adventure) was planned meticulously before I even hit the road.  I knew the stops, mapped the path to get to each, had reservations at hotels along the way.  I even tracked mileage and costs.  There was comfort in the planning; controlling what I could and leaning into that control when everything else felt unknown.

Fast forward more than 3.5 years and I am just now making plans for later this month and beyond.  

The calm that I feel – that is growth.

The clients I work with have a similar need to plan:  career advancement, the talk track for feedback and difficult conversations, and what parenting will look like.  When there are elements out of our control, we double down on what feels manageable to us; often overplanning and not allowing ourselves breathing room for data and inputs we don’t yet know and cannot comprehend.

Career advancement.  When you plan your growth and development too meticulously, you don’t take into account the workstreams, projects, and innovations that you are not currently aware of.  You see one path, but opportunity may take you on another. Leaders, sponsors and mentors may see in you what you do not yet see in yourself.  

Five years ago, you would not have anticipated how AI could change your role or how you could find a whole new career based on the technology.  You may not have anticipated new client opportunities or restructures that opened growth paths for your career.  While it can feel good to plan, the best plans incorporate breathing room, flexibility and resilience.

Engaged conversations.  We have all been there: we have to have a conversation that we dread so we script, practice, write and re-write.  When the time comes, it is more soliloquy than engaged conversation.  The planned talk tract eliminates the opportunity for response, reflection and course-correction.  Planning and preparation are important, but maybe it is best to focus on themes and your intentions for the conversation rather than a specific speech.  

If you have a lot to say, try stating up front that you want to share a lot of information and you want to separate discussion from decision-making.  In this way, the person you are speaking to has the ability to listen intently, ask questions and gain clarity, then step away and reflect on what you have said.  They can return at a later time with their response.  Each step would lead toward a more productive and less defensive interaction.

Parenting.  First time parents lean in on control since so much is out of their control.  When will the baby arrive, will I know I am in labor, what will that feel like and what will the baby need?  So many unknowns.  Time and again I find that all of the elements out of the expectant parents’ control refocus them on controlling everything they can:  a (very) detailed transition document for work, specific thoughts on caring for their newborn (sleep training and feedings especially), and “clear” ideas of who they will be as a parent.  Yet with all that planning, they often forget that there is a human being that will weigh in on their needs and their schedule.  And that human has not been born yet.

I had a work colleague who was very clear on how he was going to work and support his partner when their son arrived.  Detailed schedules around sleep windows and his work availability.  I listened and I let him learn in real time that his son was not responsive to dad’s pivot table and agenda.  Sixteen years later, we still laugh about what parenting was going to look like and just how wrong he was.  

And the truth is, we can’t tell new parents what to expect, because they believe they will do it differently or better. And they may (or more likely will) laugh in hindsight at their naivety and ask why we didn’t warn them.  Ultimately it is a case of planning and control without all the data.

Back to my travels.  There was one particular leg of my trip that will always stand out.  Despite all of my planning, I forgot to account for a rookie GPS mistake.  I mistakenly hit the ‘avoid highways’ button driving from Baltimore, MD to Asbury Park, NJ.  It should have taken me around 3 hours, a straight highway drive.  Instead, I inexplicitly drove under and around every on-ramp and highway for more than 6 hours.  I was in no rush, no one was waiting me at the end of the trip, so I leaned into the experience.  

It was summer so the fields were lush and the roadside stands and farms were beautiful to see.  Clear blue skies and few other cars shared these backroads.  Best laid plans set aside for an even better experience I would have missed if I didn’t embrace the road less taken.

Plan … with room to iterate or innovate when new information presents itself.